the 4 seasons: winter

I think I'm supposed to be happy at the end of this book. I think I'm supposed to be happy when Craig burns (yet again) his memories, this time of Raina. I'm supposed to be happy when he leaves behind everything he has learned throughout his childhood. I'm supposed to be happy when he gets the latest, coolest, hippest, most awesomest hairdo. Huzzah! I say. He's finally found himself.

I'm not happy, and here's why: I think throughout the book, and especially at the conclusion, Craig has difficulty distinguishing being a unique, exciting individual with being totally and completely alone.

Grunge is actually in style? Must get new haircut. Don't agree with my parent's religion? Must move out and come back to visit approximately twice in my life. (Emphasized by his lack of presence in their embrace on p. 560). This even applies to religion. The main reason Craig first becomes disillusioned with Christianity, even though he has question before, is at camp simply because of the mass of people. When talking to Phil on p. 533, he again emphasizes this: the problem is not with the core teachings of Christianity, but he sameness of the people in it.

p. 533: "It denies the beauty of being HUMAN, and it ignores all these GAPS that need to be filled in by the individual."

Individualism is great. My individual self is all for it in fact. But when I see Craig alone, even at a crowded party, alone, even on a crowded street, alone on the last page of the book, I don't think, wow, he's done it, he's found his unique self. I see a man, now in his thirties, who apparently cannot get close to any human being because he has to be completely an individual. Guess what Craig? No matter how different one is, there are still ties and similarities that bind us to other people. It's called being HUMAN.

(A side note: Craig claims he is not a Christian anymore. But he still believes in God and the teachings of Jesus, the very things that make one a Christian. Even if he didn't, the doctrine of Christianity teaches that once some one, as Craig clearly has, has been "saved," nothing can change that. So really, at the end of the book, Craig is a Christian whether he likes it or not, still part of this big mass organization, still part of the one thing he's been trying so hard to escape. Where does that leave him?)